Tripping down memory lane

Age 10. The high point of my “I only want to wear blue dresses” phase. I really hated that video camera flash light, which is why I’m keeping my head down. My youngest brother is not allowed to touch the puzzle pieces (normal sibling behaviour) because I’ve already sorted them according to category (not so normal).

I must have been about 8 or 9 here. Still sucking on my fingers and playing with my hair. Not interacting with the other kids at all.

My 7th birthday. My grandmother is explaining something about my birthday hat, I’m obviously concentrating on what she’s saying but I don’t look at her or smile until she’s done talking. My grandmother might have been on the spectrum too.

Age 5 or so. Flapping my knees. Also forgetting to put on facial expressions unless prompted, and then they’re slightly overexaggerated. 😉

Age 6. Toewalking. Toerunning. Overall fairly uncoordinated motor skills.

I’m not posting the one of me and my younger brother spinning in circles in the back garden because we weren’t wearing much, lol. I don’t think I come across as autistic in these videos all that much, just slightly “off” maybe. But not to the level where I’m stimming in every single video, for instance. And I’m obviously interacting with my family. So I’m not entirely sure what to make of this.

Edited to add:
In fact when first watching all the material, I saw myself behaving like a typical child. The videos start in 1980 when I was 4 and my younger brother had just been born. As the years progressed, my behaviour kept on feeling normal, and that feeling got confirmed when I saw my younger brother behave the same way at the same age.

And then I saw my youngest brother appear on screen, born in 1982. The contrast is absolutely frightening. He is constantly looking at people and smiling and pointing and touching and interacting with them on every possible level. He doesn’t fidget, even as a baby and a toddler. He looks bewildered sometimes but mostly in response to something I or my younger brother do.

As if even at that age, he already understood the rules of social conduct better than we did, and saw neither me or my younger brother following those rules. It’s now nearly 30 years later and he still looks bewildered by our conduct sometimes. 😉

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20 thoughts on “Tripping down memory lane

  1. You ran like I ran when I was little!

    When I got a bit older, I’d run in great bounding leaps that were horrendously inefficient and also looked pretty goofy.

    • But goofy is fun 😀 I like watching the way I run, it seems funny and bouncy and happy. Although it might be that I wasn’t criticised for it as much as for other things, so there’s no negative feelings involved for me.

      • My allistic sibling is close in age, and you have siblings so you know how nasty they can be to each other. Plus, my elementary school gym teacher was a jerk. Enough said, really. I don’t mind other people’s bouncy runs – they make me happy. But I definitely get self-conscious about my own.

        • Yes, can very much imagine how that feels. Wish I could say something comforting. If you were here I’d take you on a bouncy run across the moors of my childhood where nobody else could see.

        • I still gallop when I run! (I was also obsessed with horses when I was younger, so that was probably part of it). I think my friends like it because they can always tell when I am coming (I also like to run everywhere I go, although it isn’t always possible, it generally was when there wasn’t ice on our sidewalks)!

          My parents weren’t too concerned about it, except they also made sure I knew how to run properly and efficiently (but they were track coaches, so they just liked to coach, and encouraged me to gallop about for the joy of it, but also wanted me to know how to go fast).

  2. Thank you for sharing. You know, I think I ran like that too…it looks like something I’d do too.

    Interestingly, I thought I was normal until I noticed my younger brother remembered details about our family. As a kid, he knew when people went to work, for ex., and would actually bring their suitcases/bags/etc. over to them. Other than that, we were pretty similar as kids, except maybe he interacted with his peers, and later the teachers, more. But then we met our younger niece and nephew, and THEY were spending the whole time at the dinner table talking with everyone they could and chatting about everything. Neither my sibling nor I had ever done that at the dinner table before.

    lol, how are we having so many similar experiences?!

    • Isn’t it marvellous? It’s what I notice the most on all the blogs I’ve started to follow. The amount of people who go “OH ME TOO!”. It’s like we can finally show our empathy in a way that everyone recognises and appreciates.

    • Lol, thank you, it’s strange to see myself being referred to as cute! 🙂
      Whatever it is I’m dealing with, even if it isn’t a developmental disorder, it’s always been something that’s simply been part of me. I liked feeling “childish” in some areas and “grownup” in others. I knew it was ok to splash in puddles even though I was 11. Or 17. Or 36. 🙂

  3. Very cute… You look like a very happy child! You are smiling a lot. Thank you for sharing. It is actually really interesting to see something like this of someone you only know as an adult, and in writing… plus looking for patterns makes it more fun.

    You are lucky your parents took this … I have plenty of family photos but no footage, I would actually have liked to see some for some of the same reasons. I know there is some on old large film roll format back in Denmark, but it is expensive to get converted and it is not with me.

    • My memories are very happy as well! I have a wonderful family, we have a very special bond even though we don’t make the effort to spend much time together. I have some issues with trying not to be noticed and feeling like I’m a failure for not trying hard enough, but that’s really not my parents’ fault, they did a marvellous job raising all three of us and encouraging our natural curiosity and accepting our quirkiness. Well, except for my youngest brother who wasn’t quirky at all and threw the entire household into disarray when he started to rebel at the completely normal age of 14, lol. My other brother and me had always kept to the rules as teenagers, as long as they were fair rules, and if they weren’t fair there were logical arguments to get them changed. :p

    • Oh yeah we’re lucky to have all the tapes, my father and brother both work in cinematography so they have all the gear needed to convert old film themselves instead of having to pay someone. It’s very labour-intensive which is probably why it’s so expensive to get it done. It’s definitely worth it though! Maybe you can convince other family members to help out?

        • I haven’t seen a WordPress theme yet which makes it 100% clear to which comment you’re replying. If I ever get around to building my own theme, I’m definitely going to pay attention to that part! It’s so frustrating!

          And yes, my youngest brother has said that he always felt like the odd one out while growing up, especially when the four of us were discussing some random bit of information at the dinner table and we all started infodumping. He said it was a bit better after me and my younger brother moved out. Poor guy.

      • That is handy! I have tried to convince my dad. He has scanned many hundreds of family photos and emailed them to me in batches (an album per year) during the last few years, and I really appreciate that – before that I did not have any old family photos here at all. Currently he is scanning, labelling and emailing even older family photos – of my great grand parents and their surroundings, so very old black and white ancestor photos from 19early with explaining text … Awesome! Eventually he may get to get some of the footage from my brothers’ and my childhood converted, but I don’t think it on the top of the priority list in the near future. He also has plenty of other things to do – like harvest.

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